Thanks for nothing

You know, I guess there is no need for me to continue with this Blog.

At first, I had created it to find myself, maybe answer some questions, and work out some deeper, darker thoughts. Now it seems to do nothing but cause me problems as people cross by it on their daily surfing. I thought that I could get some questions answered by other people, but found that my answers were always found within.

Things seem to be going pretty well for me, as you probably read in my last post. I think it is time for me to ‘disconnect’ myself from the internet for a bit. My Yahoo profile has been deleted, Alt.com profile has been altered beyond recognition, and all the other personal websites have been disposed of; I don’t need them anymore. The whole reason of creating those profiles was to adventure out into the world and find people like myself, but all I found was creepy people and snakes with the wrong intentions. It kind of hurts really, that the world is full of so many dishonest people.

Although the internet is full of creepy, self-centered, uneducated, over zealous people, there is that one in a million shot that you may find the one that you have been searching for. A needle in a hay-stack, so-to-speak; I have found the girl I have been searching for, and am willing to do anything to hold on for dear life. I want to be everything to her; I want to be the first breath that she breathes in every morning, the first site she sees when she wipes her eyes, and the last bite of her every meal.

For all you internet surfers out there that casually float by my blog, not paying it any attention; to the regular readers out there, here is a special message for you for all the times that I looked out there in the internet world for hope and inspiration:

Thanks for nothing; for I have never received any positive feedback from anyone about anything that I have posted….ever. (Of course, that statement excludes my girlfriend, mainly because she is the ONLY one that has EVER had anything positive to say. Even though she didn’t understand WHY I was doing it, she still supported my decision to do so.)

So I say again:

THANKS FOR NOTHING!!!

Good things come in threes

Wow, what a change. As the dust starts to settle from the last whirlwind of change over the last year; new girl, new job, new domicile; I feel like life seems to be starting to head upward for me…

About ten months ago, I am sure you remember me mentioning her if you have read any of my blog, I met a wonderful woman over the internet, (Yahoo Personals to be specific.) We met at the Graduate near Carolina Place Mall one night for a few drinks and to get to know each other a little better. I remember it like it was yesterday, she had just died her hair that afternoon and it was as red as the sun and twice as bright. I, of course, ordered fried cheese sticks as a little snack, not knowing that she doesn’t eat cheese, but through all of our unorthodox idiosyncrasies we are still together and I could not imagine living without her. Through the last two weeks, my life seemed to be consumed with moving out of my apartment and struggling with learning my new job, we hadn’t seen much of each other, and it was torture. I was bored and this cloud of gloom seemed to follow me around. The only thing I could do not to be depressed was to bury my head in work and moving, but my mind was often filled with images of her and thoughts of us kissing and sharing and cuddling. Our orah’s still haven’t settled into our regular routines with the new settlement, but I am sure that will come soon enough. I really try to go out of my way to make her happy, and I get the feeling that she sees that and appreciates it. Even on several occasions, she has returned the favor. I can’t imagine being any happier with anyone else, even though I sometimes get the vibe that she still doubts my feelings for her. It is those times that she doubts me, that she seems to put on this ‘sweet little, soft-spoken, helpless girly girl act’; and the times she knows I love her, she is stronger, bold, decisive, and intellectually stimulating. That is when I love her the most, when she isn’t paying me attention or looking for reassurance from me and inevitably will be the constant result of out relationship through time.

General Contractor, Tech Support for Photoshop, customer service associate for Onstar, movie theatre concession stand, porn site web developer, RadioShack customer service, waiter & manager in a male strip club, videographer, photographer, Carney, data entry for a semi-truck shipping industry, Blockbuster, DJ in female strip club, and now a Information Security Business Continuity Associate for ‘The Bank’. I have had such a broad range of jobs; this one is so far the best for the money. It consists of analyzing HTML code to determine if an email is ‘Phishing’ (a term to describe mini programs built in to the email to extract information that the user enters if they reply to the email). The truth of it, I call a few people, I look at HTML and emails all day and sometimes surf the web and listen to my iPod at my leisure. For almost $20/hr., you can’t beat it. I can say that I thoroughly enjoy my job; it makes me feel like a cyber cop, thwarting evil every day. Outsmarting the hackers and hacking my way through the sea of emails and code. The things that suck about it? Parking. It took me 45 minutes to drive to work, find a parking place, walk to the trolley and ride it downtown (or walk the six blocks), and navigate my way through the Overstreet Mall and ride the elevator up 13 flights, through the magnetically secure door to my 10’x10’ cube. I moved about 10 miles closer to work and it still takes me about 30 minutes to actually get to my desk. On the flip side, though, it used to take me about an hour & ½ to get home, now it only takes me about 10 minutes.

My new place, I guess, used to be the ‘crack house’ of the street. It’s probably the same age as the rest of the houses on the street (build around the 1950’s-60’s), but not nearly as well taken care of. I would rather it be that way than the nicest building on a ‘crack street’. It is small, quaint, especially after I got all my furniture in the rooms, the place really shrunk. I met the neighbors, nice married couple on one side and crazy party gay couple on the other. I say ‘crazy party gay’ because about three days after I moved in, I came home from work @ about midnight when they rolled up in their driveway also and offered me a drink. I knew it was late, but didn’t want to offend them by not taking the offer. I chilled, we puffed, and I drank a beer, when this other guy showed up that is when it started getting weird. One of the gay guys, which lived at the house, said that he liked watching guys get off which was the new guys cue to whoop it out and start playing with it. Now, I have never been in a ‘circle jerk’ and don’t have a desire to, so I left soon after ‘the monkey was out of the cage’. I haven’t been back over there since, but introduced those guys over there to Alecia from across the yard. It’s not the fact that dude whooped it out and started playing with it in front of me that bothered me; it was the fact that I didn’t really know any of these guys and they didn’t know me. Who knows, if I hadn’t gotten out of there, I might be chained to their bed with a ball gag and restraints right now. Enticing as that may sound; being done by a couple gay guys makes it really lose its appeal.
I haven’t been able to spend any time with the ‘normal’ neighbors of the other side of my new house. They have a small dog, named ‘tatter’ (redneck word for potato), I am not sure of the type of dog it is but it would probably make it all the way across the street if I punted it hard enough. It’s a little yipper. Sam and Stephanie are their names, I think. He works for Time Warner Corporate and she has really thick thighs (I don’t know where she works, or if she even works at all…) I would really like to get to know them a little better, maybe have them over for a glass of wine, but just don’t know how to get the word out…

So, the crisis has been averted, but that is not to say that I am in the clearing yet. I finally found a place to live. I go in to sign the lease this coming Monday, which gives me about 6 days to pull my crap together and get it all over at the new address. I am working next week from 4pm to midnight at ‘the bank’; so that should give me just enough time to move during the day. I will, of course, have to start packing up boxes over the weekend.

::m::

At least Jimmy will be out of town until Wends. of next week, he went camping with some family members. – On a side note; as if Jimmy didn’t act weird enough, I was sitting on the couch watching TV when he went to bed and paused, turned around, waved, and blew me a kiss. I waited until he shut his bedroom door before I started dry heaving in disgust.

Anyway, back to the house…yes, that’s right; I found a house to rent. It is quite small, but quaint. It is an older type house, but seems in good shape, just needs to be thoroughly cleaned. I managed to Jew the rental agency down on the rent by $25, and gave them a list of things that needed to be improved upon before I sign anything. Most of which were simple things and could be done in a day; such as replacing receptacle covers, mow the law – trim the bushes, cleaning the fireplace, and getting an Orkan man over there to do something about all the spiders. The rental lady said that it hadn’t been lived in for a few months, so that gave me a little leverage to make them shape up the property a bit. I took Alecia over to see the place, she approved, especially because the rest of the neighborhood has already been renovated (Charlotte’s new downtown public rejuvenation renovation process).The house, honestly, is the shittiest one on the block, but I made a deal with the rental agency to let me spruce it up a bit and I would split the costs with them. I honestly don’t think I will even see one dime from them for any kind of renovation I may do, which means I will have to just stick with things that I can put back to the original state when I move out. It’s a good thing that I get paid more money at ‘the bank’ because I get to go buy a stackable Washer/Dryer and a freestanding dishwasher. (Things that the house is lacking)

It’s been like 3 days since I have spent any quality time with Alecia, I really miss her. I have been just so busy trying to get everything ready so I can be out of my current apartment by Aug. 6th, there are not enough hours in the day or energy within me to do everything I want in a 16h hour time period. I am so tired, I can barely keep my eyes open, but I’ve got about 5 hours to go at work, at least it’s Friday…

Me 101 Questions

1. What is your guaranteed weeping movie?
Steel Magnolia when she dies at the end, although for some reason I get misty eyed during the reveals of redone and super cars on the TV show ‘Overhauling’.

2. If you could have plastic surgery, what would you have done?
I have always wanted a butt; I unfortunately have the no-ass-at-all syndrome

3. Do you have a fear of something physical?
Large animals bigger than me; like horses, bears and elephants.

4. Are you a pyromaniac?
Not in a sense that I burn everything, but I do like fire.

5. Do you know anyone famous?
Not that I know of; but an old best friend and neighbor persists he is the cousin of the TV evangelist Billy Graham

6. Who would play you in a movie?
Keanu Reaves, Kevin Bacon, or Sean Connery (representing me 20 years in the future)

7. Do you know how to play poker?
Yes, Texas Hold 'Em.

8. What do you carry with you at all times?
My cell phone and my car keys

9. Are you happy with your given name?
No. It’s so ordinary, especially with such a common last name

10. What color is your bedroom?
White, but it’s an apartment, it’s not like I have a choice.

11. What was the last song you were listening to?
‘Set Me Free’ by Velvet Revolver

12. Do you talk a lot?
Depends with whom.

13. What is your ideal marriage location?
The beach on an exotic island

14. What is your favorite fabric?
Cotton

15. Something you love and also hate?
People – love a good rational educated conversation, hate stupid people.

16. What's one language you want to learn?
Japanese

17. How do you eat an apple?
Granny Smith apple, uncut, washed.

18. Do you drive stick?
Yes. My first car was automatic and have been driving stick ever since.

19. Do you have any tattoos?
Yes, a ‘evil jester’ face on my left inner ankle, but working on a new family tattoo to get before I turn 30

20. What's one trait you dislike in a person?
Stupidity, self righteousness

21. Do you consider yourself to be materialistic?
I try not to be

22. What do you cook the best?
Steak, mashed potatoes, mushrooms

23. Do you prefer to standout or blend-in?
I like to standout as much as possible

24. What's the one car you will never buy?
Any SUV that doesn’t go off-road

25. One thing you would do if you won the lottery?
Become debt free, buy a home, travel, quit my job, get more tattoos/piercing

26. What's one thing you suck at?
Having tact

27. If you don't like a person, how do you show it?
I don’t talk to them and try to stay as far away as possible.

28. What's one thing you like to do alone?
Drive super fast, like 140mph

29. Are you a giver or a taker?
Mostly a giver

30. When's the last time you cried?
I was watching ‘Overhauling’

31. Do you play chess?
Yes, absolutely! I can teach you how

32. Do you like the rain?
Yes

33. Do you like thunderstorms?
Especially in the summer

34. What was your weight when you were born?
More than 2 lbs.; less than 10lbs.

35. What time you were born? Where?
Around 10:30am in Charlotte, NC

36. Were you named after anyone?
Not that I know of.

37. Do you like your handwriting?
Yes, although I am told I write like my father.

38. What is your favorite lunch meat?
Provolone

39. Do you have kids? Want some?
No, and not really.

40. If you were another person, would you be friends with yourself? Yes, and I would appreciate my opinion because I know that they would be brutally honest.

41. Do you have a Journal?
Yes, one on the web of common events I like to share; and a more personal one I keep on my laptop

42. Do you use sarcasm allot?
Yes

43. Do you still have your tonsils?
Yes

44. Would you bungee jump?
Yes, but probably not skydive

45. What’s your favorite cereal?
Cooooookie Crisp or Captain Crunch

46. Do you unite your shoes when you take them off?
Yes

47. Do you think you are strong?
Yes, mildly strong for my size

48. What’s your favorite ice cream flavor?
Toss up between raw cookie dough and mint chocolate chip (but it must be green)

49. What’s your shoe size?
9 ½ - 10

50. What is your least favorite thing about you?
I get irritated very easily when I am in a hurry

51. Who do you miss the most?
Nanny, my mom’s mother.

52. What color pants and shoes are you wearing right now?
Black dress shoes with black and grey suit pants (I am at work)

53. Last thing you ate?
A bagel cucumber and alphalfa sandwich from Dean & Deluca

54. What are you listening to right now?
Lore talking on the phone in the cube next to me. Black women laughing too loudly in the distance. The keys clicking on the keyboard.

55. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
Metallic Silver

56. Favorite smell?
Alecia in the morning right after I wake up and roll over

57. Who is the last person you talked to on the phone?
An associate at a banking center (I am at work, remember)

58. The first thing that you notice about people that you are attracted to?
Their face and/or smile

59. Favorite drink?
Egg Nog straight out of the carton

60. Favorite sport?
Swimming or Billiards

61. Eye color?
Brown

62. Hat size?
Hats come in sizes!?

63. Do you wear contacts?
No, but I really wish I needed glasses

64. Favorite food?
Any breakfast food that is home made

65. Scary movie or happy ending movie?
Happy ending movie. Although any movie where something blows up is entertaining

66. Last movie you watched at the movie theatre?
Superman Returns

67. What color shirt are you wearing?
Green button down dress shirt with a tint of red when the light hits it right

68. Summer or winter?
Summer at the beach, winter in the mountains with lots of wood to burn

69. Hugs or kisses?
Hugs

70. Favorite dessert?
Anything that has sugar in it

71. What books are you reading?
I haven’t read an actual book since middle school (Old Yeller)

72. What’s on your mouse pad?
My mouse pad is actually a miniature velvet rug

73. What did you watch on TV last night?
Flipping between Discovery channel and History channel and Comedy Central

74. Favorite sounds?
Purring, either from fast cars, cats, or women.

75. Rolling Stones or the Beatles?
Beatles (if I had to choose), at least they are dead and can’t make anymore albums

76. The furthest you’ve been from home?
Canada

77. What’s your special talent?
I have always been artistic and had a good eye, but computers seem to like me and I like them.

78. How many piercing/tattoos do you have?
I currently have four piercing and one tattoo.

79. If it were free (including insurance) what type of vehicle would you have?
A huge yacht big enough to live in and tour the world.

80. When the last time you got a ticket and what was it for?
For parking downtown and not paying, two days ago.

81. Can you name all 50 states without looking at a map?
Maybe, if I had a few hours & a pencil and paper to write them down

82. Can you remember your first French kiss?
Yes; with Jenny Swinson at her b-day party, she had to stand on the stoop behind her house because she was s short. I think I was around 15.

83. Who in your immediate family would you say you are closest to?
My brother, even though we don’t get to talk much.

84. How many brother and/or sisters do you have?
One older sister and one younger brother, (and an older-older ½ sister from my Dad’s side)

85. Do you believe in Luck?
No, but I believe in Karma

86. Are you superstitious?
Only with walking over pennies, nickels, or dimes that are tales up. Quarters I pick up.

87. Do you believe in magic?
Not after my mom and my brother became magicians for a while.

88. Are you a talker or a listener?
Listener

89. If you could live in any time period, when would it be?
The Roaring 1920’s as long as I was rich; although I am not sure I could do without internet.

90. If you could have a shopping spree, at what store would it be at?
Best Buy

91. What is the earliest memory you have?
When my sister blindfolded me and fed me cat food; I got sick that night. I think I was around 5 or 6.

92. Pencil or Pen?
Pencil, must have eraser!

93. What color underwear are you wearing right now?
Black

94. Are you a morning person, or a night owl?
Depends on if I am on vacation or not.

95. If you could pick any animal as a pet, what would it be?
A properly trained Dragon

96. If you could have dinner with any two famous people (dead or alive) who would it be?
Steven Jobs and Einstein

97. If you could choose any ONE superpower, what would it be?
Invisability

98. If you could make any fictional character reality, which would it be?
Superman

99. What instrument you wish you could play?
Any

100. Would you rather be brilliant and hideous or pretty and dumb?
Brilliant

101. If you had to pick one of your five senses to do without, what would it be?
Hearing, I could do without all the chatter, but no music would be annoying…

checking in

Well, I guess it’s been a while since I have written.

You know, things seem to be going pretty good for me right now, and one of the reasons why I started writing these segments was because I had a lot of issues that I had to work out. Since I started writing these entries more than 5 years ago, I have gotten a lot of questions answered and unfolded a few new ones.

I really like my job at ‘the bank’. I sit in front of a computer all day and look at HTML code of Phishing emails the public sends the bank. Occasionally I talk to an associate of the bank (in any random state) to discuss a possible breach of bank information, stolen laptops and/or Blackberries. I listen to my iPod, or occasionally swing by cnn.com and read the news to give my brain a break. All and all, it’s a pretty sweet gig; and the pay rocks too!

I have to move out of my apartment by the end of July. Well, August 6^th, to be exact. Jimmy (my current roommate, who is gay as hell and beginning to irritate me how he undresses me with his eyes when he thinks I am not looking) decided to move because they raised the rent for the apartment by $50, and he mentioned he would like to live closer to where he works (one building over from where I work, downtown). He has been pressuring me about moving downtown with him, but I don’t know if I could possibly stand him any longer. I have begun to get verbally short with him, and tend to stay away from the mass of confusion and that constantly surrounds him. Needless to say, I am looking for a place to live by myself. So, in lew of my moving, it might be a while before I stop by again, but when I do I will probably have a lot to talk about.

We will see who helps me move, who ‘goes the extra mile’.