Strange New Years.

New Years was a little different this year. Alecia and I argued for the first time, Nick went to Boston, and my job got broken in over the weekend. All and all it came out pretty well.

For New Years the ‘crew’ decided to have a poker match and everyone showed up (except for Kevin and Lisa b/c Kev was sick). I lost, of course, but what kind of pissed me off is that Alecia decided to stay home and play World Of Warcraft. I told her that I could bring my laptop and my geeky friends would not mind at all if she sat around with us and played, but she refused. (I shouldn’t really blame her, through all of the stress of the Holidays; I had an outbreak and didn’t really want to go hang with her friends. So I shouldn’t hold it against her that she didn’t want to hang with mine.) So, the next day, she wanted to hang out and I was still feeling a little deprived from the night before so I gave her the run around and went to Johns’ to hang out without her. She was pissed, but we finally caught up with each other and worked things out. (Damn ‘H’, gets me so emotional. Angry one minute, and lonely and depressed the next.) Anyway, we worked things out and everything seems to be cool right now.

So, I came into work on Tuesday morning after a much needed (but stupidly wasted on my part) weekend and noticed all the computer monitors on the floor. Taking a closer look, it turns out that someone broke into the office looking for petty cash (which they stole last month, but Dialog decided to issue checks for our commission to alleviate that problem); but when they saw that no cash was in the office, they smashed all the monitors in the room. Something like 26 monitors (25 17” and one 19”), all destroyed. The bosses took a ride to the nearest place that sold monitors and picked up a whole bunch. So unfortunately we actually did have to work that day, it was just delayed a little. Pretty exciting stuff.

Alecia, Alecia, Alecia; what can I possibly say. In short, I was devastated when she was mad at me….I think she was too. Why do I crave her approval? I usually don’t care what anyone thinks, but with her it’s different. I think we are both afraid of each other, ….how we feel for each other. I don’t want to scare her away, quite the opposite, ….I think I love her. I think I am in love with her…. I am, yes, for sure. I know I have said things about a lot of other girls, about how deeply I felt for them, that is why I have tried to keep my mouth shut up to this point. I don’t want to jinx it. Why do I get the feeling she is afraid of me? Afraid that I will hurt her? I am too, but if you don’t take a chance you will never know. She is a woman, like so many others, but different and like no other. I feel as if I have evolved to a whole new relationship level, a level I knew existed, but never knew that I would have the joy of experiencing.