Well, it didn't take too long, but jenny is history. She moved out her stuff this morning. She decided to go back to her husband (Ben), which of course I think is a totally stupid idea. When we are arguing about it last night, I basically got the impression that she just wanted to take the easy road. The fact the she doesn't have to pay rent over there is basically how she made up her decision. I think that is total bullshit, and it kinda makes me feel sorry for her. About a week ago I mentioned that she really needs to evolve as a person and moving out on her own she would learn some lessons. Unfortunately a while ago I noticed that she was really weak (I mean weak in the aspect of self respect, self confidence, reliability, and believing in herself. So my thinking and experiences, I grew up allot when I ran away from home and lived on my own 700 miles away in Memphis, TN. So the same thinking applies in this situation, to me at least. Unfortunately Jenny isn't apparently strong willed enough to make decisions on her own.

Anyway, I can't say that I am really tore up about it, disappointed is more like it. If fact, I think that me and a few of the fellas are gonna go up to Uptown Cabaret (strip joint) this afternoon, and we have a poker game tonight, so maybe my luck is turning around and I might even make a little money tonight, (if I can ever get a decent hand)....

Ok, now don’t get me wrong, I believe that she has a really good heart and is really scared from everything that has been going on lately, but Jennifer is about to smother me to death. If I leave the house, she wants to go; if she isn’t going with me already. I am not sure how to break this to her, but I think it would be a good idea if she found a roommate and moved in with them. Besides, she has allot of lessons to learn on her own, and if I help she isn’t ever going to learn them. I know her family isn’t ‘loaded’ but they have always had a little extra money to throw around, well unfortunately that means that Jenny has pretty much been taken care of her entire life. She hasn’t lived the ‘macaroni & cheese / grilled cheese’ years or learned the valuable lessons that come with them. The point is that I need some space, and I think the only way I am really going to get it is if she moves out and gets her own place for a while. We can still date and sleep over at each others places, but right now I can’t even go to the bathroom without her following me and asking what I’m doing. She almost had a heart attack when I told her I saw one of my ex-girlfriends in the mall. She exploded in a fit of jealousy and rage before she even knew who it was. Now, of course, I have friends that are girls; but to her that is unacceptable. Apparently, I am not allowed to hang with anyone of the opposite sex if she hasn’t met them first or they look better than she does. VERY ANNOYING!

Mom bought me these new mirrors for my car (with blinkers in them) and so I…(I mean ‘we’) went over there early to pick them up. I was really excited to finally get my hands on them and couldn’t wait to install them. Now seeing as dad has all the right tools and I was there anyway, I started to install them. Meanwhile, Jenny sat there complaining about the heat and how long it was taking me (3 hours), but when I tried to get her involved she just shrugged it off and said how much it disinterests her. I have tried and tried to find similarities between us that we can grow on, but it’s just getting more and more difficult. She must tell me that she loves me at least ½ dozen times a day. (AT LEAST, usually it’s more like 8-12 a day) That is all fine and dandy, but we have been going out for 4 months and she is constantly concerned with how I feel about her, what I think of her, who I have told about ‘us’, and well frankly, I’m tired of it. I am tired of feeling like I am a babysitter on one hand, and that I am answering to my mother 24/7 on the other hand. Neither choice is appealing, so something has got to change.

Well, if you can’t tell, allot has been going on lately. That is the primary reason why I haven’t written anything in a while. I got a new job, still got the new girl (Jennifer), and am leaving for the Hamptons’ (NY) day after tomorrow for Nick’s wedding/dinner/party thing. Jenny and I first decided that we were going to rent a car, until we found out that it would cost us about $500, so I decided to just drive my car, although considering Jen doesn’t know how to drive a stick that means I am going to be behind the wheel all the way up there and all the way back. (Probably not the wisest decision, but we will just have to deal with it considering out short fund at the moment)

So, I got a new job (finally after about three months of joblessness) at Lucent Technologies. I make invoices for their equipment that goes for repair or replacement, pretty easy stuff if I could ever get the hang of it. There is allot of conditions that apply according to the country that the package is coming from or going to and what it is there for (repair, replacement, no trouble found, or junk). I get to wear pretty much whatever I want and listen to my ipod all day, so it’s not all bad. It is a hell of allot better than Pinnacle Amusements and Onstar. After getting out of their grip, it’s amazing to find out what the real work force is like. People don’t hound over you or hover while you do your job. Most other businesses don’t have stupid rules that have no purpose, or have seven managers to tame their employees. Onstar was just like a circus, and considering 80% of their employees were black, and 50% of that was from the ghetto, that just didn’t make things easier for anyone. Pinnacle Amusements was the exact opposite, a married couple going through a divorce trying to make the company work before they either die or retire, whichever one comes first. Dave and Cindy Fisher (owners of Pinnacle) seemed to be grasping at every limb and root to try to save them on the way to hell. (Burn you bitches, burn!) (Maybe I should reconsider sending them a virus to their email; they would be stupid enough to open it….)

So, “What about this new girl Jennifer?”; you might say. Well, it has got to be the toughest and strangest thing that I have ever put myself through so far. Here is the deal, (and this is the short version) we meet during a Pinnacle Amusements event where we both sold prizes. As soon as we met each other we felt like we knew each other for years, her husband (Ben) beat her during a heated argument one night, I offer my place for her to stay but only after she has separation papers signed, she gets a restraining order and separation papers, he calls and calls and calls, she got a new job and returned her house key and garage door opener to him. All that happened in a matter of about a month. She has been living with me for about 8 weeks now. Jason (my long time roommate of about two years) decided to move out because he was intimidated by the situation. His last day at the house was three days ago, and I must say it’s been pretty nice. Jen and I went out and bought a bunch of groceries, and since Jason and his stoner ass isn’t there, they probably will last us a while. Jennifer is a 4 foot 11 inch fireball that has been told what to do most of her life. She has high spirits most of the time, but has a very bad jealous side to her. She gets worried if she hears me talk to another woman, she thinks they are going to ‘steal’ me away from her. (I hate to tell her, but she doesn’t own me) I have to admit, she has real potential, I can see that inside and beyond all that jealousy and self-consciousness I can see someone that wants to be free. Someone that doesn’t know what wonderful things there are in the world, and I want to be the one to show her. She is so sweet and so thoughtful, but I think that is because she had no choice when she was with Ben. For eight years he went around throwing a hissy-fit when he was inconvenienced, which of course just made her feel bad. So now, she tries to go out of her way to please me, and frankly that’s not really necessary. I am an easy going guy and have been taking care of myself for the last ten years, but when I tell her not to help me, she just get offended and angry. (I guess she takes it personally) I really don’t have anything to complain about besides that she requires attention from me 24/7 (as Ben did with her, except he always told her what to do where as I am wanting her to experience her own things) and that she could probably 10-15 pounds and get into shape. Other than that, she would be perfect. Jennifer is definitely the best girlfriend that I have ever had. Sure, she comes with a little marriage baggage, but she doesn’t have kids, she doesn’t have a drinking or drug problem (besides smoking some weed), she is mentally stable (to a certain extent, I mean come on, she is a woman above all and they ALL have some mental issues about them). Anyway, she is a great girl, and how she got stuck with such an ass hole for the last eight years, I will never know, but it is going to be a long haul to undo all the damage Ben has done to her, but I am willing to make the effort and willing to wait, besides…. it’s going to be a year before the divorce is final, but that’s also when the retraining order expires so that may be a whole new ballgame.

Today is partly cloudy, very windy (around 20-30mph), and the temperature isn’t too cold; around 50 degrees. Today has been pretty good so far. I got to sleep in a little late because I met a customer at the Arboretum this morning. I had to pass off a file that I made the night before from home because my work computer blows. The EPS ended up being about 500mb, no way in hell my shitty machine at work could handle that. Yesterday, when I asked Dave if I could leave early to work on the file from home, he was baffled and confused to why I had to go home to work on it when I had a computer at work. After I explained that my 3-year-old work machine wasn’t powerful enough, he still didn’t understand. What an idiot. It sure would make my job a whole lot easier if he would learn about computers. If you haven’t figured it out, I am still at Pinnacle Amusements. A few things have changed though, we moved to a new 20,000 sq. foot location off of Wilkinson Blvd. It’s still the same distance from the house (about 20min. drive). It is nice that I don’t have to deal with Dave in the same office on a day to day, but he is so helpless, we all have to basically hold his hand or just do whatever it is just to keep the business going. Dave just sits in his office and looks for shit for us to do. Usually we come into the office and find lists on our desks of what we need to accomplish for the day. One thing that I have noticed, though, is that when Dave is not here, we ALL pretty much get everything done because Dave isn’t bothering us every couple hours with some trivial task.
I got some new toys! I may have mentioned it, I may not have, but my glorious Powerbook G3 finally bit the dust. I know I got my Gateway not too long ago, but I really missed my Apple and especially the portability of it. So, I got a new iBook G4 with a 20gig iPod. The computer has 256mb RAM (upgradeable to over 1gig), 14” screen, Airport (wireless internet) and a CD-RW drive. Needless to say, I love it. The new Mac OSX Jaguar is awesome. It has so many little differences that just make the whole package far more superior to a windows machine. Of course, no sooner than I got the computer and turned it on, I noticed on the Apple site that they are just about to come out with a new OS called OSX Tiger. It has a fully customizable interface and GUI support. What does that really mean? Well, you can make things for your desktop that run in the background, to make your office work a little more efficient. (For example; a weather GUI that will tell you the most up-to-date forecast, or calendar, or contact list.) The wireless Internet has got to be the best invention of 2003. For all you novices, you must first purchase a wireless router, and then have a wireless card inside the machine. It’s not like I am made out of money, but I got my tax return back (around $600) and also approved for a $2000 Mastercard through Apple (16% APR) with 90 days same as cash. So, hopefully, I can drop the $600 toward the computer / iPod (which rounded off around $1800.00) and pay off the rest within the next few months. (Hopefully)
Anyway, I caught up with Lisa a few weeks ago. I found a Christmas card of Santa walking into a porn shop and it reminded me of her (besides the fact that there is a CC Dickson Company across the street from the old warehouse). She has been coming over a few times a week; we play Balders Gate (A Dungeons & Dragons type game for the Xbox) and usually have sex, that’s always a nice perk. She really has gotten her life together with the exception of a job. She is still in school, with no hopes of deciding a major anytime soon. She quit smoking, she quit drinking Mt. Dew, she even quit Paxil, and in doing that she stopped picking scabs on her legs and they cleared up. She cut her hair (although growing it back out to my disappointment) and has started to open up to me emotionally and personally, which makes sex a little bit better than before. She still has a little trouble having an orgasm, but I think it has a lot to do with me having to wear condoms every time.