Asheville in my future?

I had such a hard time getting into work this morning, my bed seemed to be gravitationally pulling me back toward it. Of course, who wouldn’t want to go to a place every day where they are under appreciated, under utilized, and under paid? Doesn’t that sound fun? On top of that, since the ‘rude customer advisor’ comment that someone emailed in last weekend, I have been put on suspension and have the pleasure of feeling my manager breathing down my neck just about every second of the day. Although, I guess it’s better than living on the street,……or is it?

What’s been in heavy rotation for music:

• Bjork - Vespertine
• Bloc Party - Silent Alarm
• Kanye West - Late Registration
• The Rakes - Capture / Release
• Deep Dish - George Is On
• Jason Mraz - Waiting On My Rocketship

I saw another funny bumper sticker; I think this one really applies to me:

I will try to be nicer if
you try to be smarter.

Alecia and I started talking about the future last night; words of goals and wants. Both of us having thoughts of Asheville floating through both of out minds; especially if Nick decides to move there in about a year or so. It’s hard to say what the future hold, but it’s good to have goals, good to have something to work for and look forward to.

I have been tossing around the idea of trying to start my own computer tutor company. Not really sure how much competition their would be for that, but I am sure that their wouldn’t be much in a smaller town like Asheville. Would I be able to even tolerate people’s incompetence with computers? All I know is that I am just about pulling my hair out working for people that are intellectually and intelligently lower than I; working for ‘the man’ that is.

WHAT WOULD BE A GOOD JOB FOR ME?! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?! WHERE DO I FIT IN?!

The best ever

candles_______kissing
grabbing- seeing -grasping-breathing
moaning-grinding-licking-biting-scratching
laying-pulling-touching-smelling-pushing
rubbing-sweating-tasting-sucking-bending
stretching-grinding-thrusting-holding
panting-rolling-breathing
nibbling-pumping
loving

.

Temp Again!

Well, I guess I spoke too soon. Just when I got my hopes up and thought that I might actually be getting a break in life. Alas, my fortress of dreams has crumbled; looks like Dialog has decided to retract their statement about hiring me on full time and the $4 raise. It turns out that on Saturday I spoke with someone over the phone that didn’t like what I had to say so they wrote a letter of complaint about me stating that I was very rude. Norma (the ‘Jabba Boss’) decided that seeing as we just had a conversation about ‘being rude’ on Friday, that she would keep me on temp for another month. So, of course, being the way that I am, I like to always try to have the upper hand.

• First thing; talk softer on the phone. If the closest manager doesn’t hear me, they won’t have anything to suspect.
• Secondly; I figured out on my phone how to record any call and export it digitally as a WAV file so I can send it, save it, and use it later if necessary.

I saw a funny bumper sticker on the internet; it seems to apply to just about anything:

GOOD, FAST, CHEAP
(choose two)

Cold Rainy Monday.

It’s pouring outside, it’s cold and windy, a perfect day to stay inside and cuddle up with someone by the fire. Unfortunately this is Monday, which means work; and it seems to be slammed today. Blahuck!

24 comes on tonight, yea for that! I hope Alecia will come over and watch it with me, because she is the bomb and I wouldn’t mind spending every waking moment with her. I just feel more ‘centered’ when I am around her. She reminds me sometimes of a mythical fairytale that would involve a ‘Mother Nature Goddess' character that speaks and moves softly through a morning mist in the woods. I know, it sounds weird, but I am not exactly the norm either. She seems to bring piece to my soul.

Work is crawling by; this is the first week that I actually get paid by Dialog and not some third party temp place. A $4 raise is always good. Now I just need to work on getting some insurance.

Pull over rollercoaster!

I know I have not exactly been the most honest person in the past, and I know that it seems that I have an unsteady heart, or that what I seem to like seems to change like my clothes;…….but how is that any different from anyone else? People change, and what was once loved and admired about a person turns into annoying resentment. Sometimes people love being with someone and spending time with them, even though that person may not exactly be the perfect match, in the beginning of a relationship people are willing to overlook the small annoyances that occur from day to day. As time passes, weeks go by; time and experiences are shared together and people start developing a connection (at this point, everyone is still on their good behavior – i.e. open doors, no farting, say please and thank you) Months go by, arguments have been had, feelings have been hurt or people have been disappointed or let down; the newness has worn off, basically. At this point people start being a little more realistic and seeing people for who they really are; all those little idiosyncrasies that people would overlook, start becoming annoying.

I know that I have fallen head over head for someone and thought to my self; “Well, it’s ok, I can overlook her weight.” Or “I just won’t smoke around her…” but what always happens is that a few weeks or months later those same reasons begin to bug me to death. I guess one of my biggest problems is that I want it SO bad. I want to be with someone for the rest of my life; but I am not willing to just have anyone, I want the right one, but don’t know what the right one is. Everyone wants the same thing, everyone wants to feel needed and wanted and to be thought about and cared about; but unfortunately, (in my case especially) my past seems to catch up with me.

I find it amazing that people’s personalities are mostly like their lives. If you date someone with a lot of drama in their personality, they will have a lot of drama in their life. People’s personalities engulf the people around them, and before you know it, you are sucked into the drama too.

I never expected to have problems like this, it was never my intention to hurt anyone’s feelings; but sometimes people make false realities for themselves, and if you disrupt that false reality the other person doesn’t know what to do and begins to think irrationally and hatefully toward the other person. Soon, revenge comes to mind, then a full out war. I am not perfect, no one is, and I am not saying I have more problems than anyone else, but I certainly have to deal with things that others don’t. I guess I feel like I got shorted on life. I never asked for this, and I feel like life owes me. Sometimes I wish I was stupid, or ‘simple’, because if I were I wouldn’t be smart enough to know the difference. Sometimes I have a hard time tolerating all the stupidity that surrounds me from day to day. Sometimes I get tired of dealing with irrational hormonal people with uncontrollable emotions. Why do I suffer so? Why do I have to tolerate such ignorance? Why is it that no matter how hard I try to get as far away from my past as possible; I seem to reap what I have sown, today? Blair despised Lisa; Lisa banished me from her life because of Jenny; Jenny was green with jealousy over Liz; and now Alecia is bothered by Jenny. When will this uncontrollable emotional rollercoaster pull over? When will people understand that people have pasts, if we didn’t we would just be born, and that would be weird. When are people going to stop judging you on your past and take you for who you are, and not what you were? People change, some for the better and some for the worse, but everyone deserves a chance to prove themselves without automatically being prejudged by past actions. Haven’t I done my time? Haven’t I been tortured enough? Can't I just live my life and love who I want in peice without prejudgments or people putting in their two cents about what I did to them or what happened a long time ago? People are diffrent, which makes relationships and situations diffrent; so what may have happened with one, is not likely to happen another.

On a side note: I have finally been hired on full time at my current job! I am no longer temp, and with that, I get benifits and a four dollar raise! YEA! Now I just have to work on being a little nicer on the phone and I think everything will be ok in the job aspect.

Finally, popularity!

Wow, I feel so much more popular when people can't resist leaving comments to my entries. I mean, it's not every day that a man gets a new girlfriend and the previous one is still shuffling about two months later. I mean, most ex-girlfriends usually just get over it an move on, I am flattered that Jen wants my attention so badly still; even after two months! Maybe some guys are just lucky, I guess.

Blog Warz!

Well, ladies and gentleman; boys and girls of all ages, we have a title bout today for the Super Drama-Weight Belt of the United States of Whiners.

In the red corner, weighing in at 108lbs at 5’-10”; making her title debut, all the way from Florida, we have sexy and voluptuous ‘Foxy Red’!

In the blue corner, weighing in at 140lbs at 4’-11”; the returning champion of drama and title defender, all the way from New Jersey, we have the bitchy and sluttish ‘Shorty Rocks’!

I am not sure if anyone even pays any attention to the comments section at the bottom of each of my entries, but their has been a war going on between Jenny (ex-gf) and Alecia (current-gf). Honestly, Jenny started it; back a few months ago, she started leaving snide comments about Alecia, and we both tried to rise above it. We tried to be civil and try not to respond to such trivial dramatizations and insignificant negative gestures in a petty attempt to gain notoriety, but unfortunately Jenny persisted. After weeks and weeks of stating she wanted to have nothing to do with me, and even starting a blog of her own to further express her unyielding devotion to hating me, she still spends more time on my blog than anyone. So this message is to (Yahoo IM) 'lilroxy76'; you are on ‘the list’. Yes, that’s right; ‘the list’. This means basically if you were on fire, I would not piss on you to put you out. As per the rules and regulations of 'the list', fingered gestures and a possibility of being spit on on-site, in addition no respect, no sympathy, and no honor will ever be given to you from me at my discretion. Basically, if at all possible, I will use any resources I have to make your life miserable. Not that Jenny will even care that she is on ‘the list’, and surely she will be leaving comments about being on it. On a side note, Jenny is the only girlfriend that I have ever had (even compared to High School) that has developed into the most psychotic and emotionally unstable human that I have ever encountered on a relationship level. I have one word for her: “therapy”

So that being said, and pausing for a commercial break, let the games begin! Ding Ding!

Alecia's B-day

What I wouldn’t give to work at a company that has employees that actually want to do their job, including myself. Even in a company of only two dozen people in one big room, like Dialog (my current employer) there is too much time spent trying to get other people to do their jobs because they are wasting time surfing the web or laughing and joking. It is not until ‘Jaba the Plump’ (my manager) comes rolling in that some of her other minions get the message to get to work. It all comes down to doing a job you enjoy or doing a job because you have to. (Mine would be the latter of the two.)
Just a little bitching, not really anything can be done about it unless the government comes up with a brilliant plan to ‘assign’ people jobs according to their skill and intelligence level; then we wouldn’t have brilliant people flipping burgers and complete idiots working at the DMV.

Some people have asked me; why do I have this blog about my life? My answer, because I can and I have nothing to hide, that’s why. I am hoping that maybe some people out there (the same people that I can’t stand because they are dumb or have no common sense) can use this information to compare to their life, and make it better. Maybe not compare, but it’s kind of neat to see different perspectives on things. It’s good to see something from a different angle, maybe you may catch something that you missed before… …or maybe I do it for my own self gratification, just to check and make sure I am not losing my mind.

I never, NEVER, thought that I would ever meet someone that I would get along with, someone that I actually can read their mind and they can read mine. I never thought that she would be from Florida, or that she would have ever owned a Harley or liked riding horses. It never crossed my mind that she would have been into hair bands, like ‘Animal Bag’ and ‘Poison’, or that she gets hooked on video games like a fat kid gets hooked on cake. I never would have imagined that I would be so lucky to meet someone with such a gentle touch and such beauty. I never would have thought that she would be so perfect or that she would be a nurse and that she would have stolen my heart, but I would not have it any other way.

Happy Birthday Alecia and I love you.

Strange New Years.

New Years was a little different this year. Alecia and I argued for the first time, Nick went to Boston, and my job got broken in over the weekend. All and all it came out pretty well.

For New Years the ‘crew’ decided to have a poker match and everyone showed up (except for Kevin and Lisa b/c Kev was sick). I lost, of course, but what kind of pissed me off is that Alecia decided to stay home and play World Of Warcraft. I told her that I could bring my laptop and my geeky friends would not mind at all if she sat around with us and played, but she refused. (I shouldn’t really blame her, through all of the stress of the Holidays; I had an outbreak and didn’t really want to go hang with her friends. So I shouldn’t hold it against her that she didn’t want to hang with mine.) So, the next day, she wanted to hang out and I was still feeling a little deprived from the night before so I gave her the run around and went to Johns’ to hang out without her. She was pissed, but we finally caught up with each other and worked things out. (Damn ‘H’, gets me so emotional. Angry one minute, and lonely and depressed the next.) Anyway, we worked things out and everything seems to be cool right now.

So, I came into work on Tuesday morning after a much needed (but stupidly wasted on my part) weekend and noticed all the computer monitors on the floor. Taking a closer look, it turns out that someone broke into the office looking for petty cash (which they stole last month, but Dialog decided to issue checks for our commission to alleviate that problem); but when they saw that no cash was in the office, they smashed all the monitors in the room. Something like 26 monitors (25 17” and one 19”), all destroyed. The bosses took a ride to the nearest place that sold monitors and picked up a whole bunch. So unfortunately we actually did have to work that day, it was just delayed a little. Pretty exciting stuff.

Alecia, Alecia, Alecia; what can I possibly say. In short, I was devastated when she was mad at me….I think she was too. Why do I crave her approval? I usually don’t care what anyone thinks, but with her it’s different. I think we are both afraid of each other, ….how we feel for each other. I don’t want to scare her away, quite the opposite, ….I think I love her. I think I am in love with her…. I am, yes, for sure. I know I have said things about a lot of other girls, about how deeply I felt for them, that is why I have tried to keep my mouth shut up to this point. I don’t want to jinx it. Why do I get the feeling she is afraid of me? Afraid that I will hurt her? I am too, but if you don’t take a chance you will never know. She is a woman, like so many others, but different and like no other. I feel as if I have evolved to a whole new relationship level, a level I knew existed, but never knew that I would have the joy of experiencing.