Advise from a psyco.

Ahhhhh; relief. After writing what I wrote last, of course Alecia read it and came over that night, much to my pleasure. We talked about past boyfriends and girlfriends; things we tried with other people and things they made us try (even though we didn’t really want to do them). I think that perhaps she might have missed my point a little about what I wrote about last, although with my mind cluttered with sexual thoughts it’s no wonder that all that came out of my mouth was sex sex sex (even typed sex sex sex). It is difficult to determine the right time, but ‘be aggressive’. Guys like to feel like they are sought after too, like the girl is irresistible attracted to them and they can’t fight the urges to take all their clothes off. I guess it would be the same way that women like to have their man spend time with them and cuddle and make her feel like she is the only woman on the planet.

Side-thought;
I say the word ‘men’, but all men are different on the finer details, but the majorities are all pretty much the same. For example; all heterosexual men like pussy (period), but the thoughts that cross their minds that get them off are totally different. Some are ass guys, some are boob guys, and yes some guys even like to cuddle. When I say the words ‘men’ or ‘man’, I guess I really mean ‘me’ or ‘I’, but essentially it all comes down to getting to see something naked and/or getting some.

Anyway, girls basically like the same things guys like, they like to feel needed and sought after by their partner. Except women like cuddling and men like nakedness; which makes complete sense in my mind considering men are visual and women are emotional. As far as ideas:

Note to the guys:
You want to get laid all the time?
Do romantic things.
Translation: Have previous decisions and thoughts (and tangible proof) that you thought of your woman earlier in the day or when you are with her.
“You must satisfy her need for acceptance and approval to unlock her inner desire and sexual treasures.”
Examples for when she is with you:
Open the door for her (cars and buildings); tell her that ‘she would look good’ wearing something that you would like to see her in (this even works in Victoria’s Secret, even if you only drop some cash on a pair of $12 thongs and you even get to see her in them later …)
Examples for when she is not with you:
Make her a card (yes, like in with construction paper, glue, glitter, and something sweet about her written on the inside); write her little love notes (not more than a few cheesy one-liners please, and none from that 101 Pickup Lines book hiding in your closet) and most important of all with more predators and their prey is the element of surprise! Put the card somewhere she will find on her own –like on her pillow, on her rearview mirror, or in her underwear drawer (but only in romantic places –not in the microwave, oven, vacuum, anywhere near cleaning supplies, or dead animals.)

Note to the Ladies:
Men unfortunately have two brains; one is in their pants and the other on their shoulders. When the one in their pants is driving, just about every three seconds is a sexual thought. When the one on the shoulders is driving, that is when their actual personality shows through.
“To love, and be loved by your man, you must satisfy the beast within to experience his true passion.”
You must first satisfy the uncontrollable sexual devious demon mind so he can actually think like a rational emotional human being. I guess it would be in comparison to a woman’s thinking when she is on her period; your thoughts are cluttered with unfathomable and inconsistent nonlinear thoughts of insecurity and doubt (except that goes away after about a week for most women…) Just about everything that a man does for in his ultimate efforts to get attention from a woman. If it weren’t for women, we men probably wouldn’t take showers, brush our teeth, or wash clothes and society would boil down to a bunch of naked men dancing around a fire eating raw meat.

But what do I know; I am just some random guy that you came across on the internet. If you don’t believe me, try it for a month. What’s a month? But don’t come crying to me with horror stories of pregnancy and someone getting axed in the forehead, it’s just my opinion.

So what was my point on my previous post? I guess Ludacris said it best; “Guys like a lady on the street and a freak in the bed.”

Job search continues...

As I get older, it feels like my mind is splitting into a dozen different directions; some areas gaining knowledge and others losing it. Sexuality seems like it has split into a ‘turned-on’ state and a ‘state-of-mind’ state...

I don’t even think it is a certain kind of porn that I want to look at, just nakedness in general. It just feels so much more free and natural, I think deep down I am a big voyeuristic type person, maybe that is why I am not so shy when it comes to being naked. I have been spending allot of time on Fleshbot.com, which I am sure does not help fighting the sexual urges. BDSM to CGI to amateurs to just some harmless bikini shots; it is pretty much all on Fleshbot. I would just love it to have some real hearty, fucking; like hard, deep, teeth clenching, sweaty fucking, and then as I lay their completely worn out…I would start to feel some sensual hand massaging my manhood once more; rolling my balls around in her palm, perhaps sucking on them one at a time. Using her hands as eyes to peep all around my private areas as her lips touched my semi-hard dick. Taking it all into her mouth and sucking it clean like a McDonalds milkshake through a thin straw. Maybe as she indulges herself on my meat, she would want some attention to herself as I slide my hand between her legs and feel her juices flow. It wouldn’t take long until I was rock hard again and she would start pawing and grabbing at my body with the thought of me inside her. With my arms and legs still weak, she would take control and get on top of me and begin to slide myself slowly into her pussy, spreading her thighs and cheeks to better feel every inch as it enters her. Her eyes would slowly close as she began to forget that I was there and all that remained was the cock that she kept sliding in and out of her body until finally, with a few deep thrusts, he head falls forward and her body tenses. She grabs my shoulders to stabilize her shaking body as orgasm after orgasm ripples through her body; her moaning deeper now and more wild and uncontrollable. Collapsing on top of my body, weak from exhaustion, we lay together panting on each other, holding each other, as we both drift off to sleep.


I am just so damn horny all the damn time lately. I think it has to do with me not having a job and sitting at home so often. I mean, it’s only really been a week tomorrow that I was fired,…..(well, I should say, ‘not made permanent from temp status’). Sure, I have gone out and put in some resumes’ door-to-door, hooked up with another temp agency and filled out at least a dozen resumes on Monster.com and CareerBuilder.com, but ultimately I come back home and sit and wait by the phone. Jimmy (my roommate) usually gets up around 2:30-3:00pm to go to work, so I usually don’t see him for very long, the only conscious beings I can talk to are the two cats. I, of course, can’t exactly go out and spend any money considering I don’t have any money coming in. I have just enough to pay rent, and I think I will have to put the cellular and insurance on the credit card. That will at least buy me another month. After that, either I am going to have to move back in with Mom & Dad, or become Jimmy’s personal bitch.

If anyone reads this out there…. I WOULD LIKE A JOB THAT I WOULD LOVE! A JOB WHERE I FEEL LIKE I AM NEEDED, AND NOT JUST ANOTHER NUMBER OR WARM BODY! I’M A WIZ AT A COMPUTER AND NOT AFRAID TO PUT IN LONG HOURS AND PREFFERABLY SOMETHING THAT WAS IN RELM OF “ADULT” AND PAID WELL!

Land of the stupid

Well, everyone here (at Dialog) seems to have their panties in a wad. As I came into the office after a wonderful second work night of Alecia sleeping over, I find a few message pop ups stating new procedures and other ways to push off responsibility and work onto lesser (lower on the ladder) employees. (Typical for a call center of any size.) No more than thirty minutes that I have been here, my immediate boss’s henchman #1 comes over to ridicule me on an account where a customer added Long Distance to his service but never mentioned that he has multiple lines and/or which line he wanted the long distance on. True, I could have spent the extra 8 minutes to investigate his additional lines (and be scorned for taking too long on a call), but what can I say, we are all human. When I questioned Yolanda (henchman #1) about the long distance and policy; her reply being; “Come on, these people are in Kentucky, you have to think for them…you know?” Honestly, I couldn’t give a rat’s ass about this company or its customers, and from the henchman’s comment, they couldn’t care less either (other than customers wallets). I am going to have to agree with the Kentucky comment, though. That state should be wiped off the map. Since I have worked here, I have a new found level of stupidity in a person. The state of Kentucky makes Corky look like Einstein.

As I had mentioned before, Alecia spent the night again last night and Monday night. It is wonderful, she is the greatest. I think we have only argued over a few things, but we always talked it out and that makes for a good long and understanding relationship. One of the things that I would have to say that I enjoy the most would be when she comes over and we sit outside and talk about any random thing. We can sit outside and shoot the shit for hours, it is so wonderful. It’s great to be able to finally connect with someone on my level, to be able to talk to someone and not have to explain what a word means or what something does. She is educated, and experienced in realizing the reality of situations and people. That would have to be the most attractive thing about Alecia; her mind and spirit. (and of course the fact that she has a sexy slim body, nice ass, and a face like an angel is just icing on the cake)

Alright enough about me oogling over Alecia, I can sit her and talk about her all day, but I am at work and I have to look like I am busy.

Screwed Again!

As if things could not get any more interesting, I didn’t get paid this morning from Near & Associates. So let me just quickly review this situation:

• I was told this was going to be an Ops position, which was conveniently filled the day I arrived for my interview.




• I was never told about the 600hr. minimum (twice what other temp agencies call for) that I would have to work as temp before considered for permanent.




• Never told that it is mandatory that all advisors work though their lunch on Mondays.




• Wrongfully put on ‘suspension’ by Dialog because some customer said I was rude.




• My ‘suspension’ ended two weeks ago and still no word on permanency.




• I haven’t gotten paid this week because Dialog didn’t manage to fax my timecard before the regulated time set by Near & Associates.

I mean, damn! What is wrong with the corporate world? Is this how they like to do business? Is this how they like to treat their employees? I am sick and tired of getting shuffled around and brushed off by everyone.

Gettin the brush off

Spoke with Beth at Near and Associates again about me being hired on full time at Dialog Telecommunications. She said, of course, wait another week because Norma will know something by the end of the week. It has been two weeks since my ‘suspension’ ended, and I am getting tired of getting brushed off. Beth asked for me to resend my resume to her, which makes me feel a little uneasy about what Norma will be discussing with me later…

I called CPCC’s Financial Aid Department, the said they haven’t even begun processing the Financial Aid requests for the Fall 06’-07’ year. The also said that I would need to call back around the end of March, or middle of April, before they would know anything.

Tonight, LOST is a repeat and Alecia is coming over. I feel really bad and frustrated about the last couple weekends that we spent together kind of sucking. Not that I didn’t enjoy spending time with her, it was just filled full of unnecessary drama on both of our parts. Maybe what we should work out as a compromise, one day of the month we will do anything that she wants to do, and one day of the month we will do what I want to do; no questions asked. That way, if I have a surprise for her or something that I have been planning for weeks on end, I can make it happen on a day that both of us will know to reserve for each other. Maybe, if I am lucky, she will plan something like a surprise for me some day.

Ideas-
The Perch, RiRa’s, Gillians, Pick-nick, Beach, lingerie shopping (done), Omni max, pajama day, makeover day, Cosmos, a night club, movies, topless/nude sunbathing, Museum of Craft and Design Charlotte, rollerskating, iceskating, Comedy Zone, finger painting, TutaMundo's, The Penguin...

Long Term-
Vermont, Canada, Europe, cruise, drive out to the mid-west, museums in D.C., Mountain getaway with jacuzzi, Panthers game, Memphis TN...

My big mouth

And yet another night of romance was destroyed by my big mouth or my insensitivity……or is it that someone else is being too sensitive? I don’t exactly remember what I said, but I remember the look on her face when I said it. I remember how the air in the room became very thin and seemed to wrap its cold hands around my neck as the words left my lips.

The thoughts are a little foggy in my mind, but I think she said something like “you don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to…” as she slowly trickled her hands all over my bare skin; and I remember something along the lines of, “that’s silly, you are over thinking…” as we continued to kiss.

And that is when the bomb was dropped, the mood was changed, we lay together naked on the bed, holding each other, she began to cry, I still don’t know why, and then she wanted to go home.

I tried to find out, I tried to understand, but she just wouldn’t tell me what I did. She wouldn’t talk about it like most situations that make her uncomfortable; she clams up and recedes behind a wall of silence and a sulking.

I just want her to be happy. I try SO HARD to please her, to be the ‘perfect guy’, to make her want me. I try to fill her with confidence and the feeling that she can depend on me, but I get so many mixed signals from her. I know she cares, but how much? In what aspect? Is it Love, or is it Lust for her? Am I the ‘perfect guy’ for her? If so, why? What makes me so perfect? What makes me so imperfect? What does she want to change about me? Am I doing something wrong? Is it me or is it her? Is she just not choosy? Does she just want someone to fill an empty void in her heart or does she truly Love me? Am I now the one ‘over thinking’ the situation? Am I crazy, am I the problem? Is it all my fault,…..all the time?

I know I am harsh

I know I am harsh, I know I can say some things that are a little too direct. I am sorry that I am so blunt, that I don’t seem to have any tact. It’s not like I intentionally intend to hurt people’s feelings, but when I speak the truth peoples’ feelings get hurt. I guess deep down, I feel like people want to hear the truth, but in reality people only want to hear the truth if it doesn’t hurt their feelings. Who is to know what word will hurt other people’s feelings? One might say; “Just ask yourself what words would offend you?” Well, I don’t really get offended by what other people say, I would prefer that people be bluntly honest with me. So I would automatically think that people would appreciate the same.

Bordom

Of course, recieving that email about love, automaticlly made me curious about what type of person could write such a good description, although I wasn't sure how excited Alecia would be to go to a pizza place (knowing she doesn't eat cheese). So I ended up keeping my mouth shut and missing the opportunity. Something that is starting to get on my nerves with her, she never really wants to actually go OUT and do something. She is all for any idea as long as it concerns sitting at home. I asked her if she wanted to go see a movie or go out drinking (my treat), last night, but she didn't want to, so I went to go see a movie by myself. Now granted the movie was probably one of the worst that I have seen in a long time, but that isn't really the point; we have been going out for about 5 months now and we have never seen a movie together. I think we have gone out to eat maybe twice, but usually she comes over and we sit and watch tv. BORING! I never really watched tv before, mainly played videogames; but that seems to comming to a close.

I feel like a change is comming. A change in what I do and where I am going. I am not sure, but i think it's going to be significant (the change that is...). Could it be me going back to school?

'Real Love'

I am a member of a H-help site that updates informational resources and get people together that have 'H'. (basically a cheaper version of therapy) Anyway, I got a message in my email about a 'H' meet and greet at a local pizza place, but attached to the email was a person's profile with a very good view-point of what love is. Take a look...

.

As I get older, I am refining my definition of love. I realize that love isn't just a feeling. It is a commitment. It is a sacrifice. It is action. When you say "I love you," I is the subject, love is the verb, and you is the direct object. Get it? Love is a verb. So when you love someone, it manifests itself in everything you do. It comes naturally . . . when you love.

Since I have fallen in love quite a few times, I need to modify my perspective on love or else it just seems like it becomes worn out. I can feel love for someone pretty quickly. It might not necessarily mean that I want to spend the rest of my life with them. So is falling in love important? Well, yeah! I think the initial passion and desire in the beginning of a relationship is something you should try to capitalize on and sustain for as long as possible. Because, heck, it is fun. You will reminisce about it for the rest of your lives. But, in the end, it is the Real Love (notice the capitalization) that matters. So now, what do I think that is?

Real Love. Saying and meaning "I love you" even when you are absolutely furious with a person. Making a commitment where you put aside your agenda for the combined good. Opening up the can of worms when you know something is bothering the other person even when it would be the easiest thing to just ignore the issue. Loving that he snores at night. Being able to do the little things that don't matter one way or another to you as long as they matter to the other person. Knowing that you want to have the other persons children. Keeping your promises. Caring enough to fight about things because you know that in the long run, the issue will HAVE to be resolved sometime. It might as well happen now. Truly knowing what he is thinking. Accepting that sometimes he probably ISN'T thinking. Knowing the little quirks and idiosyncrasies. Being comfortable together. Being the first one to reach out. Realizing in the middle of a disagreement, "hey, does this really matter?" Getting to the point where you aren't wishy-washy. "Oh, let's see how this goes" to "you are going to be my husband, and I am going to spend the rest of my life with you." (Obviously, such a statement will have to be mutual or else you are just going to scare the person off!)

"In a world full of ambiguity, this kind of certainty comes only once, and never again. No matter how many lives you live." Real Love is solid and sustainable. It doesn't always feel good, but if you think about it, anything that we are proud of accomplishing usually comes from perseverance - not hedonism. "We need a witness to our lives. There are a billion people on the planet... I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything--the good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things--all of it, all the time, every day. You're saying, 'Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness.' "I guess some people just start believing that truly loving someone else more than you love yourself is just a disaster waiting to happen. However, I have never felt better than when I loved someone like that. Even if he leaves, it still feels right for me to love with all of my heart.

I have loved many people, but I have only really been in love twice. The funny thing is that I have probably had my heart broken half a dozen times.

I believed in love long before I believed in God; however, I can't say that I understand either one of them. In fact, it seems as I get older, they become even harder to figure out. I have to keep check on myself because I have seen people who have become hardened and bitter about love. I never want to be one of those people.

-MPwH Member 7436399

Liars liars liars

How could be at all possible that a job could suck worse than, say, working at a movie theater concession stand? Even people that shovel shit for a living probably get paid more than I do and deal with less crap. Never in my life have I ever worked, or spoken to, so many moronic people in person and/or on the phone.

I just got off the phone with Beth (from Near & Associates); she said that she has left several messages and email for Norma to get back to her about me being hired full time or not. Of course, I didn’t see Beth show up on Monday like she said that she would. I don’t know what is worse, working for a company that could care less about you; or working for a temp agency that could care less about you trying to get a job at a place that could care less about you.

So Gideon’s party was pretty good. The proper word, I guess, would be ‘mind numbing’. I did allot of drinking, that means about eight beers (I am a light drinker), allot of smoking, and I even tried a ‘bean’ just so I could remember what it feels like. For all of you that wonder what ecstasy feels like, it starts off with a little tingle on the palm of your hands, usually about 30 minutes later your body begins to feel like a pool of water but your jaw stays clenched and you begin to grind your teeth. Liquids can really effect how you roll, OJ make you roll more, water makes you roll less, and alcohol (for me at least) is not a good combination at all. Imagine if your body was full of water, it kind of feels like the oceans tide inside of you and your sense of touch is very elevated. People that roll like to have their head scratched or their back rubbed because their skin just tingles with excitement. Would I ever do it again? Probably not, it was fun for old time’s sake, but it took me two days to recuperate. I tried to get Alecia to come with me to the party so she could see it first hand, but now that it is done and over with, I am glad that she didn’t because I partied hardy. A little too hardy actually, more than I had anticipated, my body didn’t stop aching until yesterday.

I saw a falling star last night, I made a wish; I would tell, but then it wouldn’t come true. I guess that is it for now then.